Struggling

This past week has not been easy, but I did manage to do very well with my eating and I went to the gym five times! I took today off. My goal is to go 6 times next week. I may go swimming later for some exercise.

I am really struggling with anxiety because the fourth anniversary of my "routine appendectomy" is on the 19th and the anniversary of my actual cancer diagnosis is the 26th. I am feeling extremely emotional, anxious and irritable. I'm having a hard time sleeping and EVERYTHING is setting me off big time. I am having a hard time concentrating or doing anything that I love to do. I feel like an empty shell walking around. I don't know why I am still even HERE??? I serve no purpose. The fact that I had cancer twice makes me very sad and angry. I am living life like a 90 year old woman because I had to have a hysterectomy. My vagina feels like sandpaper because I am not allowed to have hormones. My libido is nonexistent, which I guess is not a big deal because no one wants me anyway. I'm sorry to be so negative. I'm having a major pity party today. I'm glad that I am able to vent here.

Thanks for listening!