THAT sounds bad, I know!! I work hard all week just to say that??? Well, I get VERY lonely. And I also lose motivation as well. I get very depressed and find it hard to do anything at ALL on weekends. Today I am going to meet a friend at the gym. She is my "weekend workout buddy". She also has a hard time getting to the gym on weekends. Maybe this will help me feel more accountable.
I am feeling very apprehensive right now. The 4 year anniversary of my "appendectomy" (that turned out to be appendix CANCER) is in two weeks and it is looming large. When anniversary time rolls around, I start reliving every awful detail of that night in the Emergency room and it truly haunts my soul. It not only haunts me because of everything I went through because of it (the surgeries and the heated chemo), but because of the fact that any day it could come back and visit me again (aka 'recurrence'). Most of the time I don't really think about it much, but this is the time of year now when it bothers me the most. I suffer from so many other things (physical and mental) that I don't know why He kept me here, why he didn't just take me when He had the chance?? I guess it's not for me to wonder. I guess it's just because I don't feel like I have a purpose in this world. I'm noone's wife, will never be anyone's mother. Why, then, am I even here???? Sorry to be such a downer but it is how I'm feeling at the moment. Maybe going to work out will put me in a better place emotionally???
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