The Mountain Ahead

I had a really bad day yesterday. I made the mistake of going over to my mother's house. I hadn't seen her in over a month (by choice). I walk in the door and the first thing she says is "Oh my God, what did you DO to your hair"? Mind you, I've been growing it out and was VERY proud of myself that I was able to put it up (with the assistance of several bobby pins!). So, it really hurt my feelings. Also, she didn't make any effort to give me a hug or anything! Then, later on, my hair was once again the object of ridicule. Also, her husband started making fun of the fact that I have to take Byetta shots. He said "as soon as you stop giving yourself those shots, you're GOING to balloon right up again". I should have just told him to go F^@$! himself. Instead, I sat there and took it, just like I always do. The ONLY reason I even went over there in the first place was to see if I had any smaller clothes that would fit because a lot of my shirts are getting too big on me. I need to find another way to store my clothes so that I NEVER have to go over there. They both disgust me. I don't deserve to be treated like that. Screw BOTH of them.

I am feeling exhausted and worn out. This morning I overslept by like 15 minutes...woke up to BOTH alarms blasting. I feel mentally and physically worn out. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to HAVE a job, but my job sucks the life out of me. I live in CONSTANT fear that they are going to lay me off again. I am having a hard time "self-motivating" myself to finish up my medical billing and coding course. I am getting very close. I just have so many energy suckers in my life (family, work)...

I think about the 96 pounds that I have to still lose and I see this giant, huge, impossible MOUNTAIN ahead of me. I feel like giving up. I don't know why I'm bothering, considering I've lost weight twice and was unable to keep it off. What is going to make this time any different? Right now, I'm just very thankful that my weight is staying stable. I just have soooo far to go and it makes me tired just thinking about it. I pray to Jesus for my strength.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and wisdom to know the difference.

Amen.